A Guide to Speak Dating Like Generation Z: 51 Ultra-Specific Terms for Romance, Sex and Questionable Conduct

The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed glossary to the phrases this generation is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

The Letter A

Genuineness – For gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks validate your choice to pursue a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet act.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {